Valentines Day humor began when our school bus let us off that morning

That is, it qualified as Valentines Day humor for my classmates. For me, it was torture. Suzy Ann grabbed me and kissed me right in front of the Principal and Everybody. Sure, she got admonished by Mr. Shargin, but what good did that do me? We were six years old. The worst thing was:

She was stronger than me.

Yup. Here I was, Philip Jordan, oldest boy-child from a long line of manly men, captured by a girl with arms like the jaws of a bear trap. I wasn't going anywhere till she LET me go. It was not a pretty scene, folks.

By the time I was ten, though, I'd had a paradigm shift. Suzy Ann Ruggles got cuter every year. I'd learned to ignore peer pressure from male classmates who had yet to discover girls; I was a Gifted Student of the Art Of Liking Girls long before anybody ever called it that. Besides, I'd gotten to be ALMOST as strong as she was.

So I gave her a Valentine that year. And every year thereafter.

(To see why we love SBI! on Valentines or any day, click on the heart!)

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Excerpts from Suzy Ann's collection
Of Valentines received from Philip
Copyright 2008 by Philip and Suzy Ann Jordan

Age 10: Be My Valentine. You can grab me and squeeze the stuffing out of me again if you waant to. (The misspelling was accidental.)

Age 14: There's a sock hop coming up next month
I promise not to step on your toes
You could probably still whip me in a fair fight
But if you dance with Big Gene I'll sure fight him
Just so you know
-----------------------Be My Valentine--------------------

Age 19: We're old enough to get hitched
Everyone is wondering why
Let's get married before they think I'm gay
I'll love you till I die
-----------------------Be My Valentine---------------------

Age 25: We've got two children, the brightest and the best
Between work and child caring, we never get no rest
Let alone a snuggle party for just the two of us
The kids just made you breakfast in bed; I'll go clean up the mess
---------------------Be My Valentine-----------------------

Age 30: My hair has left me shining like a glacier in the sun
My chest is heading downward and my teeth are near undone
Somehow you're much more beautiful than the day we tied the knot
Yet still somehow I dare hope you care for this aging chunk of jungle rot
-------------------Be My Valentine--------------------------

================================================================= SPECIAL BONUS: TEN GOOD WOMEN

Writer's note: My darling did give me a hard time about referring to myself as an aging chunk of jungle rot. What I saw as Valentines Day Humor, she saw as putting down her intelligence in choosing me as her mate.

Oops.

Fortunately, she mellowed enough to allow the inclusion of that one for publication on this page. Me? I still like that line. But then, I am a guy.

Your comments are welcome.

Philip

Publisher's note: Not much to add, except to welcome your Valentines Day Humor contributions, and:

Thanks for reading,

Fred

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