I'm a cat person. Dogs are...dogs. Yes, I've owned a few, including a bat-brained Norwegian Elkhound and an absolutely awesome pure white German Shepherd. My wife, before I knew her, bred and raised equally stunning silver blue Great Danes.
Goodness. Just realized: Norwegian...German...Danes...
Never mind. Let's get to why I prefer cats, and there are reasons:
1. No doggy breath.
2. Litter boxes to clean beat baggies and pooper scoopers to carry.
3. Cats can be safely left at home alone for days on end if you need to take a sudden trip.
Okay. So why would I travel from Anaconda, Montana, to the city of Great Falls to buy a PUG? Truthfully? Pam's son, Zach, was living with us at the time. His residence was a travel trailer parked behind our house. He wanted a dog. He needed a dog. I decided he could have one on the premises, but it would have to be a small breed. He liked Pugs.
The lady of the house had a half a dozen dogs
And then she had a half a dozen more
Pugs and other little yappy types
A thousand miles from the ocean shore
She took four hundred bucks and I took one pup
A darling cutie puggy baby girl
She took a leak and a dump in the back of the car
And we drove off to see the rest of the world
Zach and Pam and I thought the puppy was great
Even though she'd been nervous in the car
Until we found out she simply was not toilet trained
And would relieve her self just--well, just anywhar!
For four long days we did the best we could
With the four hundred dollar hole I'd gone and dug
But by the end of that time, the dog just had to go
We couldn't deal with those deposits by the Pug on the rug
Still, the final straw came one morning
When the cutie with the bug eyes in her face
Climbed up early on the couch where I slept
And relieved herself all over the place
To take her to the seller would be a silly thing to do
That woman had to know just what the dog was like
And getting money back would be like pulling pointy teeth
From a dinosaur while riding on a bike
So I took her to Missoula and I hunted all around
And I found a lady much more to my taste
She understood completely when I laid the picture out
And assured me the dog would never go to waste
She had other little yappers and a hard-tiled kitchen floor
Toilet training had to happen
If it took a year or more
Plus her son, a fine teenager
Of precisely fifteen years
Really really wanted a Pug though
Too manly to resort to tears
Three years later I finally sold that house
Had to move on out of state
Did a thorough steam cleaning before loading the truck
So the buyer could have a clean slate
When our real estate lady showed people around
She would look at the carpet and shrug
Where the puppy piddled on me on the couch was all gone
But not the stains from the Pug on the rug!
Publisher's note: One of the reasons for not taking the Pug back to Great Falls was that we felt it would be unfair to the dog. If the seller was unethical enough to market her puppy once that way (untrained), she could be expected to do it again. The next owner might not react reasonably, and the critter might suffer.
Neither Pam nor I cared to allow that to happen. As to getting the money back, most likely the payment was already spent. Can't get blood out of a turnip, as they say. So we gave the little darling away for free, but to a home we knew was right for her.
And now...now FINALLY, we can laugh about the morning I awoke to find a puppy peeing on my feet.
