You've probably read my hamster humor column

Especially if there's a cat in the home. True, hamster humor does poke fun at some of the odd things kitties do. They're not to be trusted, of course. Not like you can trust your human servants. Um...the RIGHT human servants, at least. I had to let my first humans go. They just couldn't cut it.

I have a whole Family of them now, though. The Robinson Family, and they do their jobs pretty well. I'll probably keep this bunch, at least for a while. Can't remember the last time I was short on fresh food or water or clean bedding, and that's a GOOD thing.

Oh, me? I'm Hardly Hamster. I write a column about this and that. You may have heard about my hamster humor column being nominated for a Petlitzer Prize last year. This is the entry that received the nomination.

Don't forget to admire my new vacation home I had my humans buy for me. A real beauty, eh?

(To have the uncaged freedom of great health, click on the hamster cage!)

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They bring me papers every day
I read them in my cage
Clearly hamsters rule the Earth
As nearly as I can see
Else why would human servants
Wait on my every want
And why do those not owned by a hamster
Act so crazily?

My humans get no cages
They must sleep on open beds
Though one thing that I do allow
Is covered litter boxes for the cats
I tell you cats are weird enough
Mine even run and fetch
A ball, toy mouse, or whatever
I see too much; I don't need to see that

We do not need more hamsters
They're not all great like me
In fact my own siblings really
Belong in a rabbit hutch
But we are not busybodies
Give us food and a habitrail
And we mind our own business pretty much

So when I win my Petlitzer Prize
I'll use my newfound fame
To lobby for the post of President
In the eastern part of these United States
As the leader of the Free World
Maybe I can get my point across
Even if to this brilliant Hardly Hamster
The White House looks like just another cage!

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Publisher's note: Jeremy and Willa Robinson, who emailed us this contribution, say that Hardly Hamster does have a real sense of hamster humor. Small for even a dwarf hamster (he was the runt of his litter), he could hardly have selected a name other than Hardly. Miniscule or not, though, he writes well.

Thanks for reading,

Fred

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