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Hardly Hamster accepts Petlitzer Prize with promise to run for President
The Petlitzer Prizes were announced on January 13. In the Classic Hamster Humor category, our own Hardly Hamster Robinson came up winners for his famous poem, Hamsters Rule: The Evidence. When he received the news, he had been watching the cartoon series, Pinky And The Brain. In that series, Brain (a lab mouse with a genetically enhanced IQ) is constantly trying to take over the world with uniformly disastrous results. Hardly Hamster, however, may be the first true rodent (never mind the wannabe rodent types) with a real chance at world leadership. He announced his candidacy for President Of The United States on January 14, promising to use his renowned classic hamster humor management style if elected. His face is everywhere on the Evening News these days, and he has made an additional Ten Campaign Promises.
(Stay healthy and collect on his campaign promises; click on the hamster!)
================================================================= Hardly Hamster Makes Ten Campaign Promises Mister Hamster was asked today what he will--and can--do for Earth and its population as we move toward the 22nd Century. Here is his response: 1. A cage for every human and two cages for every cat. 2. Make habitrails, not war. 3. Initiative for alternative fuels using squeak-power. 4. Equal Lap Time Law penalizing humans who favor either felines or canines over rodents. 5. Miss America Pageant standards of cuteness rewritten to favor hamster features over human features. 6. Affirmative Action rules to equalize treatment of pet gerbils, mice, rats, hamsters, chinchillas, rabbits, and other vegetarian rodents. 7. Ferrets to be treated as illegal aliens under the Law. 8. Standard workday to be switched to DTD, HST (Dusk To Dawn, Hamster Standard Time) to enhance everyone's health (we hamsters know what works best). 9. Sedentary jobs to receive Double Hazard Pay, since hamster history teaches us that inactivity paralyzes the body. 10. National Anthem to be changed from The Star Spangled Banner to that old classic hamster humor standard, What's For Dinner? ================================================================= Publisher's note: Whether or not H.H. Robinson will become our next President remains to be seen. There is little doubt his campaign will make a showing, however. He already has a lock on the rodent vote. Thanks for reading, Fred
Classic Hamster Humor, Hamster Habits
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